ยฉ 2023 All rights reserved
I have disapointed my famiy
“๐๐จ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐๐ซ๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐จ๐ฉ๐๐ง ๐ฎ๐ฉ ๐๐ง๐ ๐๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐?” ๐ก๐ ๐๐ฌ๐ค๐๐. ๐ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ซ๐ญ๐๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐๐ซ๐ฒ.
Through this question, I remembered that I could never fully be myself, starting from my teenage years onwards.
As a child, I grew up carefree and protected by my family, feeling supported by the universe.
But once I reached middle school, the pressure to conform began, like for anyone else of us.
Since two years, I realize I no longer have to adjust myself to fit in with others (of course, I respect everyone and their boundaries).
As a teenager, I toned down my expressive dancing in the discotheque and quieted myself in group settings, constantly aware of being “too much” or “too loud.”
My parents instilled in me the idea of being “just normal,” echoing the Dutch saying, ‘doe maar normaal, dan doe je al gek genoeg’ which I heard often at home.
Later in life, I found myself stifling my thoughts among friends, afraid of being too honest for some sensitive friends in the group.
I excelled in my male-dominated work environment because women are often conditioned to adjust themselves, while men are encouraged to be themselves.
I learned much from my male colleagues and ex-husband (who used to be an IT-colleague of mine), adopting their assertiveness and confidence.
I just did what they did, and it worked. I gained more and more self-confidence in being me!
๐๐ถ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ข๐บ, ๐ข๐ด ๐ ๐ค๐ณ๐ช๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ข๐ด๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ง ๐ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ฎ๐บ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง, ๐ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ช๐ป๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฑ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ซ๐ฆ๐ค๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ฆ…
The feeling of rejection, of not being accepted for being myself, has haunted me for a long time. But not anymore!!
However, the fear of rejection is a survival mechanism for almost all human beings, ingrained from childhood and adolescence!
But as adults, we no longer need it. If we don’t fit into a certain group, it’s for the better! New people will come into our lives who resonate with us.
We know it, but it’s difficult to live to that concept… But we all want it, deep down inside of us.
I no longer hold myself back!
I am here to show the world my true self, unapologetically honest and loving.
I don’t care what others think of me; at 51, I feel like I’m 26, and I love my life!
Join me in showing your beautiful self.. ๐
It’s liberating and refreshing!
Love,
Jolanda ๐ ๐ป
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